Tales from the Right-About-Now

If all you see in this journal is random ranting about the state of the world and random quizzes gaffled from random journals/forums/communities/etc. in here, it's because I don't know you well enough to let you in on more personal aspects of my life.

If you do know me - either from one of the communities I requent or from meeting me offline - send me a message.

 . . . and all due to a friend of mine who linked me to the community "Dear Mun".

At first, that was where I hung out most times, with a journal created specifically for having an X-Com soldier bitch at me about the mistakes I made whilst playing games from that series. (Yeah, it was - as they say - "for the lulz".)

But it's grown since then. The X-Com soldier is now part of a multidimensional resistance group, and there are a few other characters floating around the old cranium as well.

( You want the full list? Here they are. )

First things first.

One, a disclaimer: I don't work for 2K Games. I'm just a fan of the X-Com series who's been keeping an eye on this ever since he read a blurb about it in OXM a couple years back.

Two: If you haven't watched the trailer in its entirety, go watch it here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8YzbQFSkN4 (Go ahead. I'll wait.)

Okay, now that you're finished watching the trailer, let's start with the analysis.

Part One: Teletype and Photographs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=W8YzbQFSkN4#t=8s)

( Analysis of this section is behind the cut. )

Part II: "The Enemy Is Among Us" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=W8YzbQFSkN4#t=41s)

( Analysis of this section is behind the cut. )

Part III: "We Need Humanity's Best" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=W8YzbQFSkN4#t=61s)

( Analysis behind the cut. )

Well, that's the end of my little analysis. Hopefully my theories are correct, and the naysayers will be proven wrong. All we can do now, though, is watch, listen, and learn.

If you're like me, you're either bored of, disgusted by, or - possibly - amused by people who use vulgar insults.

Because, let's face it, any peabrained moron crack-pate clotpoll can whip out a line like "Fuck you, fuck all of you cocksuckers, the TSA is here to stay" - but to come up with something truly witty, now that takes intelligence. Consider, for example, this exchange between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor:

ASTOR: If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee.
CHURCHILL: And if you were my wife, I'd drink it!

Or, perhaps, this exchange between two of my friends:

ERIC: Hey, now, there'll be no delusions of adequacy from you!
STUART: Sir, a solar-powered flashlight is more adequate than you!

You see? Much cleverer than the common-or-garden vulgar insults common today.

So, let's see if we can't make the classy insult common once again, hmm?

But this time they didn't do it alone - they had help in this particular foot-shooting escapade.

"From whom?", you may well ask - as well you may.

The answer?

The Department of Homeland Security's Immigrations and Customs Enforcement division.

I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

Calling your opponents "cocksuckers" and trolling their blogs will not win you friends (though it will certainly influence people).

I hope you're prepared for a shitstorm of ridicule, gentlemen.

That is all.

First, it was underwear with X-ray blocking fig leaves on them.

Now we have shirts with the Fourth Amendment printed on them in metal-bearing ink.

Can't help wondering when the TSA will get the message.

You've probably seen the hashtag for this (#TSAChristmasMusic) on Twitter off and on for the past few weeks, usually accompanying some parody of a famous Christmas carol's title.

Now, my original contribution to the flow was to suggest the Capitol Steps song "Why's The Army Frisking Santa Claus?" - but then I got the brilliant idea of actually writing a parody of a Christmas carol in order to poke fun at the TSA's new policies.

So, without further ado, I hereby present to you the first actual piece of TSA Christmas Music!

"Be Silent Tonight"
(To the tune of "Silent Night")

Be silent tonight, be compliant tonight
And you will make your precious flight.

If you opt out, then we'll just grope your crotch.
You say you'll arrest us? Well, not on our watch!

Groping keeps the skies safe!
At least, that's what the TSA claims!

Short, I know, but it gets the point across.

I'm thinking of holding it at one of the following locations:

-Savona's Plaza Pizza in the Kingston Plaza
-The Barnes & Noble on 9W (across from King's Mall)
-The food court of the Hudson Valley Mall, near the movie theaters

Obviously, it would be on the first Friday of every month, with the first one taking place next January (weather - and work schedule - permitting), and ideally starting around 5:30-6:00 PM.

If there's anyone in the Kingston area who'd be interested in attending, feel free to let me know - and if you'd prefer an alternate venue, feel free to suggest it.

Just keep in mind that it has to be a public venue, such as a restaurant, Internet cafe, or bookstore. (I.e., please don't offer to let us use your house - while the offer would be appreciated, it wouldn't follow the guidelines for an official 2600 meeting!)

According to Bruce Schneier, author of Schneier on Security, the TSA is useless because:

" . . . if a group of well-planned and well-funded terrorist plotters makes it to the airport, the chance is pretty low that those blue-shirted, crotch-groping, water-bottle-confiscating TSA agents are going to catch them."

Well said, Mr. Schneier. Well said, indeed.

(Source: Bruce Schneier's column "Why The TSA Can't Back Down", The Atlantic)